The Up Toilet Seat Heard 'Round the World

Everyone went away for a whole week to hang out at my mother's house. Being home alone, I thought I would be going out every night, getting stupid, making plans. Turns out, I didn't miss plans or going out. I missed "nothing". Coming home, turning off my brain and doing absolutely nothing. It was pretty glorious. No one to bathe, no one to feed. Unfortunately, my brain didn't know how to process this and it rewarded me by giving me a major bout of insomnia. I probably got less sleep with everyone gone than when they're here. Luckily, I had the Presidential debate on my DVR. That's some good white noise.

When everyone's home, not only does Evie the infant sleep in our bed, but refuses to sleep unless she's on her stomach. This is bad, but would be worse if she couldn't pick her head up. The crib is literally collecting dust. So, suffice is to say I don't sleep in that bed very much and usually opt for the couch. If I'm sleeping closer than 2 feet from her, I pop awake every 30 minutes to see if she's still breathing or to make sure she's not under me. On those now rare occasions when I AM sleeping with them, I lie across the foot of the bed like some kind of animal. I've been relegated to the family pet. Our cat is like, "Dude, that's MY spot. Go back to the couch!"