I Hate Your Kid

That's right. Your little A.D.D. punk annoys the shit out of me. If they're not muscling their way between a toy and my kid, they're throwing things indiscriminately that end up hitting her. At a birthday party, they'll sneeze on a table full of food and open presents that aren't theirs. We need to revert to the days when jungle gyms were made of steel and action figures were made of iron. This way, when they get out of line, they'll get injured like they're supposed to - like our Forefathers!. Thin the herd, let them experience consequences. Keep those kids in traction so the rest of us can have some fun. These days, if a kid is doing something they're not supposed to at a playground and takes a spill as a result, there's no repercussion because there's no cement. The ground is made of sponges! By that same logic, we should all put helmets on our kids and have them beat each other with styrofoam mallets. This way, they learn that violence is fun and nothing bad really happens.

We make crayons and paste non-toxic but they eat Lucky Charms and Fluff. We complain that their education system is screwed up while they watch yet another 2-hour American Idol. It's coddling, hypocrisy, and laziness all rolled up into one and it's flavored with Rockin' Blue Raspberry.

Man up (or woman up) and be a fucking parent. I know it was fun when they were all cute and squishy and didn't roll over, but those days are gone. Get to work, people. Your kids are pissing me off and I'm going to start tripping them when you're not looking - which is basically all the time.