The Evil Cycle

We last left our intrepid hero flat on his back, under a pile of vitamins, fish oil, teabags, sickbags, soymilk, and Maalox. The fair goddess emerges from her bedchamber in an almost chipper physical and mental state. "My God," he thought, "Could the Evil Cycle be over?"

I am referring to the never-ending and cyclical joke God is playing with my wife's insides. Increased progesterone makes you constipated --> Constipation is cured by eating fibrous foods --> Fibrous foods give you heartburn --> Heartburn is cured by Maalox --> Maalox gives you constipation. Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to mention it but we've come a long way with this blog. Maybe I'm just building you up for placenta stories. Alas, the cycle is here to stay and will probably only get worse.

But, the new spring in Katrina's step exists because she's coming out of having morning (afternoon and night) sickness everyday. She's finally eating more, which is great for many reasons; one being that she was actually losing weight when it should've been the other way around. I was happy at first, but leave it to me to think of the 'Paranoid Parents 101' angle. You see, being that sick all the time, while annoying and crippling, was also a nice reminder that the pregnancy was going well. Now, how will I know?? I kinda relied on that telltale sign and it was almost reassuring. Some people hear retching in a plastic bag on the Long Island Expressway and think 'poor girl'...I think "Ahh yes, my child's doing that." A proud papa, I am. So until she starts showing, I'll just have to assume there's a healthy baby in there. The second trimester is just around the corner and it's the one that's known for being much easier on the mother and relatively symptomless. Daddy likes symptoms, though. There's no hope for me, is there. I'm my mother's son and will be telling my child not to kick boxes on the sidewalk because they might have bombs in them as she did to me. (You see son, that last sentence was funny because back in 1981 the odds of a bomb being in a box were nearly impossible.)

We bought two body pillows today to take the flip-flop out of Katrina's new slam-bams. It's not so much that they've increased in circumference, but in sheer mass and density. These pillows will also help with sleeping positions when her tummy gets bigger (and bigger and bigger). She mentioned how when the baby sleeps with us we can put the body pillows on either side so we don't roll onto him/her. "Yeah right! I'm not sleeping with an infant," I...(let's see)..chortled, "I'll be too paranoid about suffocating it that I'll be awake all night!" Here I go, foreshadowing the future entry on SIDS. No, you calm down.