Shoot The Freak

We went to Astroland at Coney Island recently, before it goes away to make room for Luxury Condominiums. I shot The Freak. I shot him "in da friggin' head," as I was instructed to do by the wife-beater wearing, crew cut dude with the mic. He's got this relaxed, Brooklyn-ite delivery as he tries to solicit customers: "Shoot the freak...shoot him in da friggin' head. Whaddya gonna do when you come to Coney Island - watch da hot dogs cook at Nathan's? No, you're gonna shoot the freak." It takes place in what appears to be a plot where a building once stood along the boardwalk. You basically pay for the right to be given a loaded paintball gun and shoot at a human target: Some prancing git wearing pads, a helmet, and a shield. I can only assume he made a bad career choice somewhere along the way. It was moderately satisfying. I would've liked him to move around a little more in the interest of difficulty. Fish in a barrel doesn't quite describe it, but it's close. Although it's going away, I somehow doubt Alina will have missed her chance to shoot at people for fun. Something like this will surely crop up again, but it will be called Shoot The Terrorist, Hipster, Evictee, Section 8, or Republican.

And Fuck Luxury Condominiums. Are there even guidelines that stipulate what luxury is? Remember when putting "Lite" on a food label wasn't anything more than hype until the FDA stepped in? I have a feeling it's the same thing. Just a word. I wouldn't call drywall and aluminum studs luxury - you can hear your neighbor fart. But I digress.

There was a lot of Save Astroland people around on its final weekend. And while it's an institution and the idea of it being saved is nice n' all - no one was going. We were there the weekend before it closed and it wasn't crowded at all. It would be good to have some kind of kiddie amusements in the greater NYC area though. But like most seasonal attractions here, they're too expensive to keep up if they're only open a few months out of the year.

There are pockets of real communities in New York, but they're dwindling. We're in a Playground For The Rich, bordered by a Trust Fund Ghetto. They're building luxury condominiums on 118th Street - and branding the neighborhood "SoHa"! Are they kidding? So I guess in a few years we'll all be going to trendy bars in SoBro, er the South Bronx, I mean The Boogie Down...whatever it's called.