26 Week Belly

Teenage Girls in the 21st Century

A blond, football playing pretty boy in a sporty red car pulled into our driveway to take my then Freshmen sister to the Junior Prom. My father came up from the city to witness this event. After giving him the kneel before Zod knuckle crunch handshake, he said to the boy "Now I hope you make sure she wears her seatbelt...but you don't have to wear yours..." The boy raised an eyebrow "...because if you get into an accident with my daughter in the car and you survive?....I'll kill you." My sister's middle finger was firmly planted against the passenger side window all the way up the driveway.

A father's relationship with his daughter is the most complex, but also the most important. It defines the way she sees men for the rest of her life. It will affect the ones she chooses. Holy crap, I have a lot of work to do. To me, just keeping them breathing is about 25% of being a father. Unfortunately, some think it's 100%. I never thought it was a coincidence that most of the girlfriends I had were fatherless. But being aware helped. It's not like they were saying "Help me with my algebra...then spank me!" but I tried to not let it get to the point where I started being something other than a boyfriend.

And here she comes. My own little girl. At first all we worry about is keeping them alive, making enough money, ABCs, college funds, etc. She'll probably think the Simpsons are stupid yellow people. Can't help that. It's the person that she will become that is concerning me more these days. Would I worry as much if she were a boy? Yes, but in a different way. They say girls mature faster than boys. That seems to be true. I don't recall many girls my age hitting mailboxes with baseball bats when I was 16 and setting things on fire. They were too busy dating older boys. Yipes! As much as I'd like to trust myself to wing it and make the right decisions, I think I know enough licensed psychologists to make sure I'm not permanently damaging anybody. It starts out simply enough with little pink dresses. Then you swiftly move onto schools, friends, playdates, the right toys, makeup, you're wearing what to school?, classes, homework, not too much TV, crushes, piercings, reading, tab A, slot B, braces, I want my own room, tampons, instruments, bras, hip hop, peer pressure, getting cultured, no thongs until you're 30!, exposure, athletics, and the avian flu. Don't be afraid, baby. I'll do good.

Two Baby Registries

Babies R Us and BabyUniverse.com

Why two? Because we needed an online based registy that shipped large items like cribs and strollers -- and they only charge $6.95 to ship. We wouldn't want all you far away people to miss out on the fun! The default shipping address is my office.

Wishing For Contentment

I need to put a picture of Katrina on here soon. You've got to see this great new belly she's got now. Of course with all pregnant women, a new shape brings the personal discomfort, frequent trips to the bathroom, the need to be complimented ... constantly. I guess they think the big belly = not attractive -- women think weird things. But, she's about two weeks away from chucking our couch out the window (defenestrate!). She just can't get comfortable on it anymore. "I want a big kid couch!" she says, as she rolls from side to side, feet up on an ottoman. Her right butt cheek was already asleep from her uterus pressing on her sciatic nerve before she sat down. Granted it's not a very cushy couch and you're screwed if you have any form of back pain. So I'll go to our room and fetch the two body pillows, a quilt, and whatever else I can find that's poofy -- now the couch looks like a Fort. All she needs are Star Wars action figures and she'll look just like me at age six. And just like the child that you've just dressed in his winter snow pants, hat, and gloves, she has to get up and go to the bathroom. The baby is sitting on her bladder. Then we start the get comfy process all over again. I assume this won't get any easier the bigger she gets. But it's all just part of the process. Oh, and note to all you fathers-to-be: Never use the word 'Moose', even in jest...even if she crashes down on you while you're lying on the floor. You won't live it down.

They say you shouldn't sleep on your back when you're pregnant. That's a hard habit to break, as it turns out. No matter how many pillows and blankets we put on either side of her and make her look like a pregnant hotdog in a Goose Down bun, she will always roll on her back at some point during the night. Maybe if we tape thumbtacks to her shoulder blades she'll be conditioned not to roll. She wasn't a big fan of the idea -- they can't all be winners. She can't sleep on her stomach either, obviously. The baby gives her a kick to the gut if Katrina isn't lying down correctly. This tends to wake her up, then make her aware of her bladder, then keep her up for the rest of the night once she comes back to bed. Take notes all you future mommies.

She's on her feet most of the day at her job, which sucks, and it makes her feet and ankles swell up. So the nighttime foot rub will start to become more of a tradition. It'll be a good time to start dishing out more of those compliments. Yes, you're still sexy. No you're not too big. Wow, that big beautiful belly is so beautiful, you beautiful beauty, you. You did the dishes on your day off?? How wonderful are you?! I can only do so much to help the physical ailments. But as long as I keep dishing the happy thoughts, all will be right with the world.

It Nudges

I finally started to feel something when I put my hand on Katrina's stomach. After weeks of botched attempts of poking, pressing, and prodding I actually felt a push back! I couldn't tell you what body part it was, but I'm guessing a shoulder or butt cheek. I'm still waiting for the day when I see the movement by looking at her tummy. Alien! It feels like she has a parasite, which technically is true. It is feeding off of her.

Katrina keeps asking me to talk to the baby. I do it a little, but I should probably attempt it more. Everything I read says it's good so the baby can recognize your voice. One thing said, "Speak to your baby no more than two hours a day. Don't sound bored, the baby will sense this in your voice." She's already judging me?! Not even out of the womb yet, and I'm a bad parent. And two hours?! That's a lot of monologuing. I find it hard enough to do this for more than 5 minutes. I guess when I read that Week by Week pregnancy book with Katrina I can speak to the wee one then. Although I suppose the content isn't as important. I could read stereo instructions or Senate confirmation transcripts.

We're getting a lot of advice about what kind of things to register for. At this point Babies R Us is our only registry but I'd like to change that seeing that almost half of the content is not available for online purchase and shipping. Mostly the furniture but simple things too like rattles and DVDs. So we may do a BabyCenter.com or some other type of registry to go along with the first one. Brick and mortar be damned. They're all dim-witted twits at Babies R Us anyway. You'd think the employees there would have some kind of useful advice or a mildly clued-up sales staff would be present. But I swear, they'd walk into the glass doors if there weren't stickers on them. And then there's the new parents' advice from people who had babies in the last few years. I find this to be the most helpful, of course, but it varies from pragmatic to ridiculous. Like people telling Katrina not to breast feed because her boobs will never be the same again. I have strong opinions on this and I'll keep this short. People who don't breast feed for cosmetic reasons should be brought up on charges of abuse. There are so many health benefits for the baby like receiving the mother's antibodies to fight infection, for example. I just don't get it. Maybe because I don't have breasts. Well, not ones that have the capacity for lactation anyway.

So, the Top Names so far are: Alina, Zoe, Autumn, & Vivian. We haven't officially chosen any of them yet. Some people say we should wait until she's born and see what kind of name she looks like. I hesitate on that, because then she may end up with a name like Screamy or Gooey. I think it'd be hard to see past the guts and gloop and havoc make an informed decision like, "Yep, that's a Zoe, all right."