Teenage Girls in the 21st Century

A blond, football playing pretty boy in a sporty red car pulled into our driveway to take my then Freshmen sister to the Junior Prom. My father came up from the city to witness this event. After giving him the kneel before Zod knuckle crunch handshake, he said to the boy "Now I hope you make sure she wears her seatbelt...but you don't have to wear yours..." The boy raised an eyebrow "...because if you get into an accident with my daughter in the car and you survive?....I'll kill you." My sister's middle finger was firmly planted against the passenger side window all the way up the driveway.

A father's relationship with his daughter is the most complex, but also the most important. It defines the way she sees men for the rest of her life. It will affect the ones she chooses. Holy crap, I have a lot of work to do. To me, just keeping them breathing is about 25% of being a father. Unfortunately, some think it's 100%. I never thought it was a coincidence that most of the girlfriends I had were fatherless. But being aware helped. It's not like they were saying "Help me with my algebra...then spank me!" but I tried to not let it get to the point where I started being something other than a boyfriend.

And here she comes. My own little girl. At first all we worry about is keeping them alive, making enough money, ABCs, college funds, etc. She'll probably think the Simpsons are stupid yellow people. Can't help that. It's the person that she will become that is concerning me more these days. Would I worry as much if she were a boy? Yes, but in a different way. They say girls mature faster than boys. That seems to be true. I don't recall many girls my age hitting mailboxes with baseball bats when I was 16 and setting things on fire. They were too busy dating older boys. Yipes! As much as I'd like to trust myself to wing it and make the right decisions, I think I know enough licensed psychologists to make sure I'm not permanently damaging anybody. It starts out simply enough with little pink dresses. Then you swiftly move onto schools, friends, playdates, the right toys, makeup, you're wearing what to school?, classes, homework, not too much TV, crushes, piercings, reading, tab A, slot B, braces, I want my own room, tampons, instruments, bras, hip hop, peer pressure, getting cultured, no thongs until you're 30!, exposure, athletics, and the avian flu. Don't be afraid, baby. I'll do good.