Baby's First Co-op

Phew! That move was physically taxing. But it's pretty much over now. We just have some light cleaning to do in the old place and to rescue some plants. I baited the hell out of this place and haven't seen any scurrying little friends since. I think Embers, our cat, helped too. Although I only saw a few small ones before we moved in, they always say when you see one, there's 50 more hiding somewhere. We set up the bedroom and have plotted where the crib and changing table will go. So for now, with these items absent, our room looks HUGE. See? The huge letters I used in huge should allude to it's hugeness in a subtle kind of way. You could probably fit our old apartment in the living room. Ooh, I have a tape measure...(measures)...well the kitchen and living room combined then. We have more closet space but have somehow managed to run out of room with more unpacking yet to go. That's not good. Especially when you consider all the baby stuff we will soon have. Note to family members: Keep the toys and books you already have at your house. Then the baby can play with it when we're there. Until then, an extra chest or shelf somewhere should do the trick.

I finally got to hear the baby's heartbeat yesterday. It took the doctor about a minute to find it, but when she did I let out a large sigh. Heartbeats are good, very good, outright necessary. Mama has had some real hardcore cravings. So much so, that when the urge comes along she throws down the food she's eating and says, "I can't finish this chicken until I get a chocolate shake from Johnny Rockets." Fine with me. The doctor says she needs to start gaining weight anyway. Since this began, she has actually lost a total of two pounds. But nothing to freak over, not even for me. This week we're planning on making a mad grocery run on Whole Foods. With the move going on, we didn't do much shopping.

I'll miss Brooklyn, but I'm really liking Forest Hills. It's a lot more diverse. More families instead of hipsters and trust fund babies. One side of our street has an ethnic marketplace and the other side looks like this and has more high end shops and restaurants. Who knew you could get foie gras in Queens? HA, Katrina just called and she wants General Tso's Chicken, despite the fact that everytime she has consumed chinese food in the past 3 months, she has gotten ill. Well, let's see if the General can break the curse.

Moving Sucks

Moving a little bit everyday in your SUV is like slowly tearing off one giant band-aid that covers your entire body. I've had two other epiphanies during my frequent trips to Queens and back. One: New York City should subsidize all of our tires and shock absorbers for driving these roads that look like they've been hit by asteroids. Two: The mob needs to start hijacking gas trucks and selling it to the locals for $2 a gallon. I'm sure it's more lucrative than the Fulton Fish Market or Monday Night Football.

But I'm making sure momma isn't carrying anything heavy...or light for that matter. Her main vocation has been guarding the car while I park next to a hydrant to unload objects. That, and letting her nest in the new place. Note to self: Buy roach bait. Distracting her for those crucial 10 seconds after the lights go on is proving to be more difficult. Run little guys, run! Don't let momma see you. I'll kill you later. Somewhere roaches watch nature shows about New Yorkers trying to talk their way out of parking tickets.

BTW, Actual proof our new neighborhood is nicer: When I told Geico what our new address was they actually lowered our premium. They're even sending us a prorated rebate. What the hell? When did corporations start writing checks? I know our 1199 health insurance isn't, judging by all the red envelopes I get with the 6 perforated tear strips to open it - which is really weird seeing as how there are only four sides to an envelope.

Tomorrow is our 2-year wedding anniversary, followed three days later by her 27th birthday. Tactical error on my part putting the two so close together. So between that and the moving madness I don't expect to be posting much more this week. Here's to hoping the internet connection in Forest Hills is up and running soon. Then I'll accomplish more. Well, more for me anyway. Look at the chinese, they want to put menus...I mean men on the moon by 2012 according to the news last week. I guess we should start having goals for that decade too.

The Flutter

Katrina is starting to feel movement now. So, of course, we're experimenting. When I start talking up close, the baby moves. We put headphones on her tummy and put on everything from Renaissance Choral music to Jimi Hendrix. However, it's hard to say if the movement is the baby saying "oooh, what's that?" or "bah, where's the off switch!"

13 Week Sonogram

It's Human Afterall

Look at the size of it! This kid is growing so fast, the doctor has pushed up her due date to February 18th. We're getting into Aquarius territory now! Just like me. So either we miscalculated or taking those horse vitamins since Week 4 has really helped. The baby was 2 weeks old then, don't ask me why they deduct that way. So now we've scooted ahead a bit and we're at Week 13 of pregnancy.

The above ultrasound is a result of the latest nervous ninny test we insist on having. Katrina went in today to get what's called an Integrated Test, sometimes referred to as a Three or Four Screen Test. They do it to check for Down Syndrome and other abnormalities. It's where they do a combination of blood tests and measuring the skin on the back of the baby's neck. Apparently you go through this twice over a six-week period, then you find out if your kid rides the big bus or the small bus. Who knew? Basically, it's a non-invasive version of amniocentesis where they stick a needle inside the uterus and extract fluid. But being as young as Katrina is the odds are very low. I've read that women over 45 have a 1 in 35 chance of a Down's baby. According to the doctor, things are looking good.

The doctor wanted to get a better angle of the baby so she was poking Katrina's stomach to get it to move. Just like its daddy, it found waking up at the behest of others unnecessary and decided to keep snoozing. They told Katrina to walk up and down the hall a few times and eat a chocolate bar - I can only assume to give the kid a sugar high. Also, to empty her bladder so there was more room to move around. You could actually see the lump where the full bladder was pressing on the uterus and taking up valuable napping space. At one point, the baby actually leapfrogged over the bladder. Then we got some kicks, waves, sitting, and sliding about. If you bring a blank videotape, they have the means to record all of this. But who knew there was going to be so much action!? The next ultrasound will show the baby doing lasso tricks with the umbilical cord.

This new picture really brings out some actual facial features. No more talk of "That blob with the dot, see it?! Close one eye. No, turn it over you have it upside down!" There's no doubt now. We can start the debate of whose nose that is and where that determined little chin came from. Still no telling what sex it is yet. And yes, we want to know. We've got enough going on in our lives right now. We don't need more unknowns and we'd like to start shopping blue or pink as soon as possible. None of this neutral yellow and green for parents who want to be surprised. Hey, a child you created is being extruded out of your shrieking wife in a most painful and gooey manner. Isn't that enough fun and surprises for one day?

Kings to Queens and In Between

We found a new apartment in Forest Hills, Queens. Elevator building for the new mommy and over $800 a month cheaper than our current place. We'll miss our roof deck though. However, we'll be taking some of the veggies and flowers with us -- assuming our cat agrees. So, this is all a good thing but may result in fewer postings while we're packing and unpacking. The new lease starts on August 15th but we don't have to be out of our Brooklyn place until the 31st. Still haven't decided how we should do this. I've always done the one-day move out of necessity. And by strange coincedence, lots of people I know are coming down with back and joint problems. Maybe we'll do a slow move. Maybe I'll hire movers. I don't know. 4-Story walkup here so you know I'm not looking forward that. Not to mention my better half isn't allowed to carry heavy things. Maybe we'll sell everything and have all beanbags in the new place. Super Baby Proof apartment.

Competition among parents starts in the womb, as I've discovered with my earlier post about the 138bpm heart rate. But then, when the child is born, we always have to hear about how much it weighed; how many inches long the baby is...since it can't stand up and therefore cannot be measured in inches tall. People tell you the baby is seven to eight pounds if they want you know they have a normal baby. They tell you the baby is nine pounds if they want you to know that mama'll be limping for a while. Six pounds or less? They keep it to themselves. We'll think you were sneaking Benson & Hedges in the bathroom.

The Evil Cycle

We last left our intrepid hero flat on his back, under a pile of vitamins, fish oil, teabags, sickbags, soymilk, and Maalox. The fair goddess emerges from her bedchamber in an almost chipper physical and mental state. "My God," he thought, "Could the Evil Cycle be over?"

I am referring to the never-ending and cyclical joke God is playing with my wife's insides. Increased progesterone makes you constipated --> Constipation is cured by eating fibrous foods --> Fibrous foods give you heartburn --> Heartburn is cured by Maalox --> Maalox gives you constipation. Yes, I know I said I wasn't going to mention it but we've come a long way with this blog. Maybe I'm just building you up for placenta stories. Alas, the cycle is here to stay and will probably only get worse.

But, the new spring in Katrina's step exists because she's coming out of having morning (afternoon and night) sickness everyday. She's finally eating more, which is great for many reasons; one being that she was actually losing weight when it should've been the other way around. I was happy at first, but leave it to me to think of the 'Paranoid Parents 101' angle. You see, being that sick all the time, while annoying and crippling, was also a nice reminder that the pregnancy was going well. Now, how will I know?? I kinda relied on that telltale sign and it was almost reassuring. Some people hear retching in a plastic bag on the Long Island Expressway and think 'poor girl'...I think "Ahh yes, my child's doing that." A proud papa, I am. So until she starts showing, I'll just have to assume there's a healthy baby in there. The second trimester is just around the corner and it's the one that's known for being much easier on the mother and relatively symptomless. Daddy likes symptoms, though. There's no hope for me, is there. I'm my mother's son and will be telling my child not to kick boxes on the sidewalk because they might have bombs in them as she did to me. (You see son, that last sentence was funny because back in 1981 the odds of a bomb being in a box were nearly impossible.)

We bought two body pillows today to take the flip-flop out of Katrina's new slam-bams. It's not so much that they've increased in circumference, but in sheer mass and density. These pillows will also help with sleeping positions when her tummy gets bigger (and bigger and bigger). She mentioned how when the baby sleeps with us we can put the body pillows on either side so we don't roll onto him/her. "Yeah right! I'm not sleeping with an infant," I...(let's see)..chortled, "I'll be too paranoid about suffocating it that I'll be awake all night!" Here I go, foreshadowing the future entry on SIDS. No, you calm down.

Cord Blood

So I've been reading up on this option they're offering new parents for when your child is born. When they cut the umbilical cord, they save the blood and thus the stem cells. Then, for a mere $2000 they put them in frozen storage for the day when your child (or apparently even you) gets some terrible disease. And of course, there's a yearly fee to keep the ice cold. People can even donate their baby's cords if they don't want or need them to, I dunno, poor people with the similar blood types?

My question now becomes: Am I being guilted into technology that isn't really off the ground yet? I mean, how dare I not do this, right? Because, what if...? Our child could have leukemia or something and some smug prick in a white coat will say, "If only you saved the cord blood." I can almost hear my future child wheezing, "Daddy, dying hurts. If only you weren't such a cheap bastard." This kind of thing really plays into the laundry list of ever-present new parent worries. You want to protect them. You want them to be healthy. I think in the future, we'll all grow our children in a bio-box under our bedside table. It'll look like a mini-fridge.

Better Than Your Uterus.
Daily Feeding Options To Promote Creativity, Intelligence, & Strength.
Now Mommy Can Drink Diet Soda & Eat Sushi
No Messy Births or Stretch Marks

Designer babies are not far off. Rent Gattaca.

Last time I checked, Bush said that he wouldn't spend Federal money on stem cell research that involves new lines and supplies. Old lines only. As if I need another reason to hate this guy. So I guess we roll the dice, make some room on our credit cards, and hope that if something does happen the research and technology has had some time to be more than experimental.